It all started rather well – I signed away my body and soul to the local gym (for random experiments) and booked my Full body MOT session and Induction session. In other words, I didn’t fancy going to the GP to tell me that I can exercise (I just don’t like doctors…) so I opted for the ‘easier’ check up offered by the gym (hence the MOT). So I apprehensively stepped into the gym, got changed and was waiting for the personal trainer. If only did I know what is about to happen… First, there was a slight confusion who am I supposed to do the MOT with (and yes, I slightly fuelled the confusion 🙂 ), then once seated in a small room with a very lovely girl it turned out that the computer doesn’t want to cooperate. As you can see, everything run smoothly like a well oiled machine :D.
Finally even the computer started working and we were off the starting blocks – weight, hight, waist and hip circumference, blood test for sugar and cholesterol and then we hit the screeching halt – blood pressure. No matter what we tried, there was no way we could get the sleeve on my arm! Embarrassing? Totally!!! I wished the ground would open and swallow me whole! Or I just self combust, both options were more than acceptable. Unfortunately neither of the options happened and at one point I was on the verge of crying. Luckily I stopped that and we agreed that the middle-sized sleeve is a no go.
After all this, when I desperately tried to turn this into a joke, I was offered to take few tests but only if I fancy doing them. Well, at that point, I thought it can’t get any worse so I might as well go and bite the bullet. I knew I have no stamina to talk about, limited flexibility (belly kind of get in your way a lot) and muscles that aren’t used to exercise – so basically starting from zero. I didn’t need to convince anyone else about it but I thought I might as well put it out there so we all are clear that there is nothing we can build on. We are just starting from scratch!
Flexibility test turned out the best out of the bunch – I could almost touch my feet. Can’t breath at the same time, but hey, who said that this test was about multitasking! 😀
Squats test – the aim is to do as many squats in 60 seconds as you can do. What can I say, it put a smile on my face. And no, it wasn’t because I am a superwoman and excel at squats, what made me smile was the time limit. It just made no difference to me. I also got offered whether I want to do full squats or half (girly) squats. At that point I thought that either I am in a comedy club or the lovely girl across me totally failed to see me in 3D. As you can guess I opted for the half squats. I got ready, hoping that this will be quickly over and that I manage one decent squat. So when I was offered a test run, I politely declined – not going to waste any remains of muscles I might have on a test run! When I heard ‘go’, I slowly lowered myself to the ground and after a strenuous try my hands gave up, there was a slight thud when I hit the floor and I realised that there is no way I am going to accomplish the second half of the squat. ‘Shall we put 1/2 of the squat on the assessment paper?’ the trainer asked. Still on the ground, I looked up, bless the girl, she was really nice, but at that point my shame just reached the sky (and my dignity left me high and dry) and there was literally nothing to lose anymore. So I replied, ‘I can’t really take credit for the gravity as that was more or less a free fall! Let’s be honest and put zero there.’
The last test was walking four laps on treadmill (after one train lap aimed for heating up) – 1600 metres. This test was meaningful only if I were able to find my pulse and count the beats after the exercise. I was meant to alternate quick and slower parts to get some good reading. Anyways, to cut long story short, 20 minutes later I finished the four laps panting, sweating and with more or less beetroot face. No need to say that I wasn’t able to find my pulse because I think my whole body was pulsating. So we gave up on getting any reading from that and that finally concluded the MOT. There were few bits that we weren’t able to do as one test machine wasn’t working so we will revisit those next time. I finally got to the changing room and was glad that this was over.
Next time – the Induction session – hey, what can go wrong there 😀