Few days after that I posted my penultimate post on (then) brand new blog…
As I mentioned before, I have started thinking quite a bit about things such as – what do I want from life?, what would make me happy? and how to reach that balance. I guess it is only fair to list what actually is not right in my life at the moment or what I am lacking…
First of all I am not ecstatic about my current job. I feel like I am not reaching my potential there. It is the typical job that just pays the rent, nothing more. Where is the job satisfaction? Where is the sense of achievement? Or personal growth? Nowhere!!! So the logical solution is
1) To find job that will compliment my skills and knowledge and that will fulfill me!
Another thing I would like to change is my desire to travel. I love traveling, exploring new countries, cultures, people and customs. I love the sensation that everyday you will find something new and exciting. Therefore second point should be
2) To find more time and money for traveling OR ideally get a job that involves traveling 🙂
There are two more things that I am not happy about and would like to change, but they are more on a personal level –
3) To lose weight
Why those two? Well, how to put it… For my whole life I was more or less on plump side of the weight scale. When I turned twenty I started to be more and more plumpy and this trend was slowly continuing. The in mid 20’s I moved abroad and in past two years this problem really escalated out of proportions!!! Two years ago I started dieting which had a little effect but after six months I gave up. Don’t ask me why as first of all I do not remember and lastly I am absolutely positive that it was one of my many silly irrelevant excuses… To cut the long story short, yo-yo effect hit home big time and one day I woke up with body that was totally alien to me. It felt like you put on a fat lady costume and now you are not able to jump out of it. So I got stuck and the more stuck I got the less determination I had to do something with. The nice fancy scales that I had in bathroom stopped being used and at some point went to the wardrobe with the intention to be out of sight.
I thought, now that I am thirty I will start again from scratch so I found the scales and it took me two days to be brave enough and step on it. I should mention that in past two years I went two dress sizes up so I knew that what ever the scales tell me will not be the best news but what ever I imagined I was light-years away from what the scales told me. Usually on these fancy digital scales it beeps few times when you jump on them then nothing and then three beeps telling you that now you can read the display and tear your hair. Well this time it was different!!! Few beeps when I jumped on it and then dead silence!!! So I looked down and the display was shouting ERROR!!! I almost dropped dead!!! No need to mention that I repeated the process few times always with the same result. So my next steps went to the Internet to find out what is the maximum weight the scales show and after bit of searching I found out that it was 150kg!!! So now I positively know one thing – I am ridiculously fat and weight anything above 150kg. I was devastated for few days hence the determination to lose weight.
Maybe you are asking why I am putting this in a blog… Well, don’t get me wrong, I have few really good friends but I don’t feel like sharing this with them as it is my personal quest and they have their own problems and in the same time if I put my thoughts out there I feel like obliged to keep my word and really do something about my situation. And even if no one is going to read this blog and just me, it is good to clean your mind and soul and write your hopes, worries and thoughts somewhere so why not here. Maybe there is someone else going through the same thing and would like some support. Or someone already went through this and succeeded and would like to give me some support. Or even if my thoughts just amuse someone then why not, it is ok with me.